The Fallacy Sessions: I Don’t Need Others

Does going solo lead to success?

And no, I’m not talking about Han Solo from Star Wars – although he’s a great example of why going solo doesn’t work.

Last week I explained why life isn’t about us, and why selflessness beats selfishness. If you haven’t read the post, please consider doing so, and then come back to this one. In June, I wrote a post called Together Forever, where I gave an argument for the importance of teamwork. What I did not give you was an argument for why going solo doesn’t work. There is a difference.

Partly due to Covid, the sheer amount of people who have adopted the going solo belief is staggering. I’m not just talking about Christians. In a world where we can do everything online, some people have stopped making an effort to connect with others. That’s an issue.

WARNING.

Listen, I want you to be surrounded by good community, and deep down I pray you desire that as well. Even if you don’t, you still ought to do it. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your health.

A 2024 study by Harvard (yes, the Harvard) found that “Individuals who lack social connections are at higher risks of developing conditions including heart disease, stroke, and dementia. Loneliness and social isolation can also increase the risk for premature death by 26% and 29% respectively.”

To speak plainly: we need people. And if we don’t make room for good relationships and connections (sorry, social media doesn’t count), it has an incredibly negative impact on our health.

Solo.

I have a question. Why did the Marvel movies about teamwork (the Avengers) garner more money than the movies about individual characters? Could it be that we prefer movies where people work together?

Last week I gave you a reason to be wary of the movies. Here’s something they do right. How many movies have you seen with this plotline: a solo hero discovers friends who want to help, a bad guy comes, the hero deserts their friends, only to come back at the very end because they realized they need others? It’s a little cliché by now, but it proves the point nonetheless.

Let me return to reality. The situation, both inside and outside the church, is concerning. Yes, it is easier to do everything from the comfort of our homes. But is that spreading the love of Christ? No. Rather, it goes against the teachings of Jesus. In Luke 11:33 (NIV) He says, “No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light.”

By isolating ourselves, we go against Jesus’ command for our lives. We miss out on godly community. Listen, if you’ve been hurt by the church, let me be the first to say I’m sorry. While the church aspires to model itself after Christ, it is made up of humans. Humans mess up. But don’t let that stop you from engaging with the body of Christ.

Duo.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NLT) declares, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”

Throughout my life, I’ve heard about the importance of accountability partners. One great person makes a world of difference, whether it’s a family member, friend, or youth leader. If you want to start small, find one person. Moses had Aaron, David had Jonathan, Naomi had Ruth, Paul had Silas, and so on.

“Putting yourself out there” doesn’t mean blindly throwing yourself into a crowd of people. Finding one good partner, mentor, or friend can change everything.

Trio.

Add one more to your group, and it’s even stronger. As Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NLT) says, “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” No wonder why the triangle is the strongest shape in nature.

Not only does community help you personally, but it protects all of you from dangers, both physical and spiritual. It gives you people to share your emotions and challenges with, instead of bottling them up. Even if you don’t get everything you want out of a group, your presence alone may change everything for one of your friends.

To quote J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, “three is company.”

Group.

Over the last year, my church has made an intentional effort to get people involved. Cells – or small groups – are a big part of it. While two or three people are great, a group of caring people is even better.

In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear makes a similar point. In Chapter 10 he says, “One of the most effective things you can do to build better habits is to join a culture where your desired behaviour is the normal behaviour.” If you desire to grow closer to others (and to Christ), some form of small group is one of your best options.

I know stepping out is hard. As a homeschooler, it’s something I have to work at day in and day out. But it’s worth it. If you don’t know where to start, ask someone. Ask a friend, parent, family member, or church leader. They care about you and want what’s best for you.

Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV) has this to say: “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another – and all the more as you see the Day [of the Lord] approaching.”

Please friend, don’t let isolation rule your life. You will not find one good example in the Bible of someone going solo and succeeding. God made us social beings and wants us to experience fellowship and camaraderie.

Not only that, He wants us to spread His message. As I said before, teamwork makes the dream work. It’s a fallacy to think we don’t need others to succeed – because we do. If you reach out, Jesus’ hand of blessing will find you. It’s your choice. And I don’t think you’ll regret it.

In the words of David from Psalm 133…

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”